I had written this a few years ago and somehow it was lost inside my computer until now…enjoy.
Get Up!
I want to do good…but I don’t.
With two events are on the horizon, a 7 day cruise and my 30 year high school reunion; I have been wanting, no, needing to get back into shape. I have an urge, a want, a need to get into the gym and work out until I’m back into the shape of my 18 year old body. Let’s face it, that’s not going to happen. I would settle for toning and shaping to look better in my 47 year old body. I know this is something I need to do, not only because of the cruise or reunion, but because health and a good diet are important in life.
But I don’t do it.
Instead, I indulge in a fancy 400 calorie coffee creation topped with whip cream and drizzles of caramel and chocolate. I gorge on candy. Any type will do, Kit Kat, Almond Joy, Payday, but my weakness is Cadbury Mini Eggs! Did you know they’re available for purchase on Amazon year round, not just at Easter? Yes, I have sweets stashed everywhere, in my purse, at the office, as well as in several drawers and cabinets at home. One of the drawers is even known by friends and family as ‘the candy drawer’.
A few weeks ago, our pastor began a new teaching series; One Soul. He shared a bit of his story and while he was preaching, it seemed as if everyone around me faded out of sight and he was speaking directly to me. The soul cries out, ‘I need, I need, and I need.’ It’s the nature of the soul to need and every one of us has some ongoing inner battle. Be it struggles with addiction, weight, shopping, debt anger, porn…we all have something. Paul speaks of it in the Bible.
“…the trouble is with me, for I am all too human. A slave to sin. I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate…there is another power within me that is at war with my mind.’
Romans 7:14-15, 23
We all have our struggles. There is a war going on inside each of us, a war between instant gratification and the wise choice. The question is how do you respond? How do you rescue your soul?
For the past month or so, I’ve had an ongoing battle within myself, and I’ve been losing. Each morning, I promise myself today is the day I will go for a run, work on cardio, attend an abs class, etc… But I don’t. I think about how long it would take me to walk from my desk to the fitness center, and I think about all the time it would take me to change into my workout clothes. I reason with myself that I could be using that time toward something more productive.
Then I think about those people…Those certain people in the gym, sweaty and smiling… it’s just second nature to them. They are motivated, focused and serious. They work out every day. They don’t have these issues, do they?
I feel like a failure and have been silently shaming and beating myself up on a daily basis. “You’re such a loser! You are weak! You have no self-control!” This makes me feel worse and causes me want to eat more candy.
Our pastor’s message was ‘Don’t beat yourself up about this… but do get up and help yourself…the answer is in Jesus! His death on the cross paid our sin debt and we are unconditionally accepted.’
A candy struggle is sort of silly, but ‘candy’ can represents other struggles… anger, shopping, junk food, alcohol, laziness, control issues, etc… Get up and help yourself. Take the first step toward recovery.
Heavenly Father, we raise You up and exalt You. We ask for Your blessing upon all of us who suffer from some sort of addiction. Give us hope to see that life can be different and life can be better. Enable us to take the steps to conquer the hurdle of our ‘needs’. Please hear our prayers for the strength to get up and reach out for help. We ask this in the name of Jesus, Amen.